Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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