I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
youre lurking in front of me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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