Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
