I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
