A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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