dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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