A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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