I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
