I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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