She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
birth control should be required to get into college
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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