I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
