she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
