Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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