He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
