I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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