So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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