I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
