The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
