You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
