I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
