Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
