just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize