This girl is more easily done than said...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
