but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
