So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
