You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
