I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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