I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
