Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
