New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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