New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
