A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
