Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
