id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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