hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
