69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
