We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
