Will you blow on my dice?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
