im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize