finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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