I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
