So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
