this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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