have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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