just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
