It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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