OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
