Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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