After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
