I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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