U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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