Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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