I cockslap morals
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
