I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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