You're my little dorito
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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