a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
