end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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