Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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