OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
