So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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