I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
