Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
