That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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