Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
