I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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