You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
