I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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