Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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