Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
