I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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