I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
