oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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