Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
