My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
