My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
