can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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