I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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